I also had that resolution for many years. Two things happened to me while pursuing a more value-driven life: I started having a lot of free time (even while working a lot), and then, by being very productive and having free time, I had trouble deciding what to focus on. For me, it was about continuing to learn and connect with people. In the process, if you feel awkward about the time, remember: keep moving forward and do what you love.

2. Then she asked how to handle her frustration better when things don’t move at the speed she’d like or in the way she’d expect.

I’ve learned that things will never go as fast as you want - because it will always be like that for people who challenge themselves, the status quo and the world - accept the frustration and the discomfort as something that tells you that you are doing the right thing - but don’t let it stop you or cloud your mind. Frustration is like a green traffic light: it means go forward, no point stopping to look at me.

3. Lastly, she told me that she would like to do more enjoyable things: make space, read fiction, and lighter, “unserious” books without guilt.

I’ve read a lot of books. I mean, 100+ books. So many that I had to donate most of them to have room in my home. Unserious books and silly stuff are just as important as serious stuff. Just one of them is a mistake. If you are not reading and doing things you love, that’s a red flag. But binge-watching Netflix for 4 hours straight is also a red flag. There’s enough time for everything important - and doing silly and enjoyable stuff is important.

I’m finding the waiting for interviews, new opportunities and conversations a bit frustrating. I feel like I’m doing what I can (applying, reaching out, studying), but things just don’t seem to be moving. I want to believe it’s just the time of year, but part of me worries it might not be.

This was my reply:

I came from a very humble background, and I took the example of what I saw at home (my parents were primarily left-wing and always saw the world with two sides - the employers and the working people). But I always had a feeling that something wasn’t precisely right. So I left, first to another city, then to another country. It was hard, but it was the best feeling of my life.

This was a short preamble to what I’m going to say next.

Looking back, I think I always kept positive because of 3 factors:

First, I never gave up. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose. If there’s a new day, there’s a new try, and I’ll keep doing it every day until I die - I never, ever, ever give up - so I’ve already won something important.

Second, not everything is under my control: I can’t control my health, what others think of me, or what others decide. I can, however, take care of what I eat, what I do, and how I behave. I can’t control the world, and I accept my destiny - but I’ll control myself and handle the situations the best I can.

Third, people are good. Even if they behave in ways I don’t understand. People want me to be successful. They want to help me. They want to do what is right. But I need to help them take that step.

With this mindset, it’s very rare for me to be in a bad mood or feeling poorly.

Bob has spoken with Stella about your performance review and made a grade recommendation. You disagree with that grade.

Now you are really upset, because you feel the grade is unfair. Probably rightly so. You are asking Stella to change the grade Bob gave you, contradicting him and maybe creating friction between the two of them.

So why should Stella do that? Possible, but unlikely.

Why didn’t Bob give Stella the right information? Do you have an open relationship with Bob, and do you check in with him regularly? Can we assume that part of Bob not giving Stella the correct information is because you didn’t provide the right information to Bob? At least in part.

During your conversation with Bob or Stella, are you comparing yourself with others? If you compare yourself to others when discussing grades, you’ll be in trouble, because everyone is perceived differently. I’d make your arguments just about yourself.

It’s your responsibility to inform Bob about your skills and the value you bring, regardless of processes, procedures, or expectations. Grades are not purely mathematical, and if he doesn’t know what you do or trust you, he will not give you a good grade.

You can (and should) know exactly that you are unhappy with the grade, but stating your unhappiness is not a good, strong argument for Bob and Stella.

If there are holes in the role descriptions, tasks, or scoring methods, that is a fight the company policy makers should be having among themselves. You can talk about it, but it will not be a strong argument to change your grade. Grades are for individuals, and roles are for groups of individuals. I’m not saying this is fair. From that angle, it’s impossible to make a strong argument to change your personal grade.

Your argument needs to be about value. If you had already done that (maybe yes, maybe no), and they have deflected the value and focused on tasks, it’s because they are not seeing the value, and most probably it’s because you are not communicating it well enough. People hang onto “tasks” and “math” when they don’t have any more valuable information. And tasks are usually poor indicators of grades and can cause friction.

Grab a coffee, reframe the problem, and try approaching it from another angle.

That’s that.

Exit graciously. Every single time. Reply something like:

Thank you for the reply and for the opportunity. I’d love to stay connected and keep updated on the growth of the “company” (state company name), and hope we can speak again soon in the future. Here are my direct contacts: “email” and “phone here”.

If you want their feedback, maybe a modification:

Thank you for the reply and for the opportunity. I’d love to stay connected and keep updated on the growth of the “company” (state company name). If you have specific feedback, I’m open to it to continue improving my skills. I hope we can speak again soon. Here are my direct contacts: “email” and “phone here”.

Perhaps they say that to everyone. Or maybe they were genuinely happy with your submission. We can’t be sure. What we can be sure of is that your approach needs to be the best it can be. Even if they said just “No”, your reply would be essentially the same. Unless you have direct and specific feedback, then it’s an opportunity to learn and grow.

You still think you did poorly? Perhaps you can do better. But also see it from this angle: Imagine that you were evaluated by a hiring manager who will leave the company in a few weeks. Imagine that a new hiring manager arrives and starts reviewing all the candidates screened by the previous one. How will he read your message?

We don’t know anything and don’t control anything. We only control our posture and presence. And it’s already a lot to work on.

Everything has an explanation, and everything has its place in a hierarchy of importance. You are going to tell the story of a successful project. All stories have a beginning, a middle and an end. From a broad outline to more detail. 100s different project managers could tell the story of that project, and all of them would be different. Your story needs to be the best version. 30% of the story is in words. 70% is in body language, voice dynamics, intonation, and so on. In addition, you will put a slide with an image featuring colours and contrasts in front of their eyes. Red is blood, blue is the sky, and green is the tree leaves. The colour bars on the Gantt chart need to support the story. Red is danger, critical, warning. Green is calmness - maybe it’s the last bar. The opposite of red is grey. In the first 5 seconds, their eyes will focus on the red and ignore the grey. Grey for less important stuff.

When I started my professional journey, my line manager mentored me in ways I didn’t understand (at the time; now, looking back, I do). He put me under the spotlight many times, leading difficult client meetings, giving presentations to audiences of 100+ people, and taking ownership of audit results. It was really hard. I’ve made many mistakes. I’ve succeeded sometimes. I didn’t like it, I didn’t want to do it, but I did it anyway, because it was my job. I’ve learned to control myself (my shyness, impatience, and cockiness). I still feel it inside, but I mask it on the outside. I’ve learned that what matters is pushing and empowering everyone to move forward, and I play a key part in that process. And I’m also sure that you have more power and influence than you realise.

It’s difficult to state the top 3, because there are many. This is my view. If you were to ask the same question to other people, or even to me in the future, you would probably get different answers.

1. In project management (PM), you’ll necessarily deal with a variety of different people: different personalities, different personal agendas, and different roles within the project. Even if they all had the same personality (impossible), all projects have pulling/pushing forces with natural competing interests (for example, product teams are usually “dreamers” who want everything faster, while engineering teams are traditionally more “rational” and prefer to think very precisely, disliking ambiguity). This creates natural and unavoidable friction. Good PMs will understand the forces/ interests in the project and provide alignment and win-win situations for all stakeholders involved (this is NOT a zero-sum game). He will adjust his communication/ plan, style, narrative, and information provided depending on the context, and by doing so, he will reduce friction (this one is the most difficult for me because I’m naturally introverted and impatient, and have had my share of problems myself).

2. Secondly, a good PM has an unshakable reputation: if he says that he will do it, people can trust him that it will happen. He provides clarity when there’s ambiguity, creates alignment when there is conflict, and makes a decision when no one takes the first step, and he will deal with the consequences in a graceful way. The PM is always trusted (at all times) by senior stakeholders. The PM has its own personality, but it’s adaptable to the context for the benefit of the company (creating value) and the team (stakeholders). This also shows up in his personal image: he dresses well, speaks well, and is always well-intentioned. Sleeps and eats well, and he is seen as a reference of precision and energy within the project.

3. Thirdly, he will understand the current stages (technically) of the project, without pushing any theory onto the group (e.g., the PM understands that the project might be in the initiating stage (foggy), or planning (setting expectations and timelines/resources allocation), or executing (aligning and mapping the critical path)). Others don’t need to know. But the PM knows. Even if the company doesn’t adhere to any standard (or even understand the stages), he can detect project fluctuations and act accordingly.

Ranting about your worldview is a lack of control, impulsiveness, an emotional response. Intelligent people usually don’t lack situational awareness. They lack tact and take pleasure in impulsiveness. Venting or ranting about something gives them a sense of well-being. People can live their entire lives putting themselves in these situations.

However, leadership positions (especially in project management) require a different mindset. This has nothing to do with your CV or interviews; this is more about practising (in your current role) temperance. It’s easier if you can detect the situation and your own emotional state, and then deliver the most beneficial response for the business and yourself.

Don’t overlook your past experiences. Success is much more than being analytical or precise. Creative people usually do a lot of stuff. To get perspective do the following (even if you find it a bit awkward): Grab some post-its. Get yourself up from the chair and put on the wall everything you did when you started working (companies, roles, tasks, activities, certifications). You don’t need to set the post-its in a neat timeline. Write them as you remember. Put them as close together as possible on the wall. When you write a post-it, include the month/year. Look at it today, tomorrow and the next day. Keep adding missing information. After 3 days, sort the post-its and see what you have achieved. With that mindset and perspective, we can start making a more informed CV and growth strategy.

It’s not about the elegance of the writing. You can polish it later. It’s about going deep inside your brain. You can sort them and make the wording better later. Hope you find it helpful and enjoy the process.

Junior to mid-level project management is about executing admin tasks. Senior roles are about conflict resolution, expectations management and alignment, team leadership and trust. It will be difficult to get a senior position with just hard skills (the technical aspects of the field). If you express yourself better and have more confidence by writing than in person, that’s an asset. You should use your aptitude with words to craft a compelling CV and start applying for more senior roles. You should also practice your interview and presentation skills.

If your current company is large and you know many people (on your team, direct peers, or management), others are likely feeling/ thinking the same way you are. It’s a good idea to establish strong connections with these individuals, as some of them may also have high aspirations, and you can collaborate with them to expand your network.

All of those steps are great opportunities for you to sharpen your CV, practice your presence in interviews, and create a strategy to apply for roles that interest you (in a consistent way).

Practice a lot. Then, if the offer is made, and you are not happy, say “no”. But keep practising.

Best,